Recipe: Even Brain Food Shakes evolve

As my digestion has gotten more frail, I've had more and more trouble with my Brain Food shake.
 

I went to a powder, because organic kale was hard to find and unwieldy,  and the nonorganic kind smells like a chemist's armpit. And was still unwieldy.

 

But those shakes still hit my stomach like a cannonball.

 

J listened to me complain for the second day in a row and said, "Don't eat fruits and vegetables together. Of course it's impossible to digest."

 

I stared at him a moment. "I used to know that," I said with chagrin.

 

That was over a month ago and I think I've finally figured out how to make the greens taste like something other than pond.

 

So here are the current incarnations of my Brain Food Shakes, the simplest way to get maximum nutrition with minimal effort:

 

Morning Shake:

 

- 1/4 pound Trader Joe's frozen Wild Boreal Blueberries (high anthocyanins, low toxins)
- heaping soupspoon almond butter (good oil, protein, minerals) (TJ's is cheapest)
- Cal-mag supplement (for nerve transmission, teeth and bones; 1 tablespn Lifetime brand, blueberry flavor)
- 1/8 tsp clove powder (massive antioxidants, calms nerve pain, and I love clove)
- ~3 oz apple juice concentrate (malic acid helps clear cellular detritus)
- stevia (stabilizes blood sugar, cuts any lingering bitterness)

 

Whizz it until the flakes of blueberry skin are more or less uniform and quite small.

 

I've recently added:

 

- fat pinch of schizandra berries (massive antioxidants, seems to stabilize neurotransmitter behavior; whole berries take extra time in the blender)
- lecithin (improves digestibility and oil uptake)

 

Once everything's whizzed down smooth, I add at the last minute:

 

- 1/2-3/4 cup blueberry kefir (I really like Lifeway brand, blueberry or plain)

 

The point of blenderizing is to chop open those cells so the nutrition is easy to get to, but with kefir or yogurt, the cells only work if they're intact. So I whizz in kefir just until blended, maybe 2 seconds.

 

I mix in blackberries and fresh local berries when I can. On the road, I use dried currants, which are an overlooked "antioxidant powerhouse", in modern marketing lingo. They can make the sweetness overwhelming, though.

 

This afternoon (fruit is more appropriate in the morning, veg in the afternoon) I tried something like this:

 

Afternoon Shake:

 

- Vegetable juice (TJ's Garden Patch, but I'm open to suggestions)
- Scoop of green powder (I get distinct results from Garden of Life brand Perfect Food Raw; brain really perks up)
- 1/4-1/2 an avocado (cleans up blood vessels, great oil)
- 2 handfuls chopped kale (most nutritious veg per calorie; thanks to TJ's for taking the work out of prepping organic kale)

- 1 handful sliced cabbage (sulfur for brain, glutathione precursor; also, does something magical to the kale so it tastes smooth and mild)
- salt (reduces ANS/POTS symptoms of dizziness and wonky bp)
- lecithin
- 1-2 individual grains of Epsom salt, a.k.a. magnesium sulfate (sulfur for the brain, magnesium for nerve transmission and electrolyte balance)
- water enough to make it go

 

Has a wonderfully fresh, pleasingly grownup flavor. A bit of cilantro, onion and lemon, and you could call it gazpacho.

 

I'm considering a pinch of curry powder, for the antiinflammatory circumin and that wonderful taste. It doesn't need it, but it could add a bit of variety. 

 

I've often said that it HAS to taste good, or I won't be able to keep doing it. And, since I test regularly (that is, try to do without), I know I have to keep doing it.

 

And as long as it tastes this good, I'm happy to do so.

Back in the saddle again

The grip of the last round of the Yucks started to break right after posting my last. I hate it when I have to go that far to get past a bad spot, but hey, I'll do whatever it takes to keep heading in the right direction.

Dignity is optional. Progress is not. Words I live by.

My new kitten has changed apparent gender twice, and is back to being a boy kitty -- not that it matters in any practical way. I was looking for a name as elegant, good-natured and playful as he/she/it, while treating an upper respiratory infection that made that left eye look like a mouse:

My cat's mouse

But then, with returning health and strength, his natural energy and violence reasserted itself. He has exactly two gears:
1. Unconscious (or nearly so)
2. Full-tilt, greedy, grasping, and spikily impulsive (as the scratch-marks around my blinked eyelashes attest)

So I've named him Siddhartha, in the hope that something will rub off.

Siddhi playing hide-n-seek.
("Siddi" is an Arabic address used towards a respectable gentleman.
Another fine malapropism from the chronically punny.)

All of his front nails are trimmed now...

In health care, we call this "desensitization"

As for my own care, I'm up to 2/3 of my reiki time and 2/3 of my basic qi gong routine, and hope to get some t'ai chi in today as well. This is tremendous progress.

Vegetables are once again a chief component of my diet, thanks in no small part to an enormous bag of frozen "Normandy style" blend from Costco and our local dollar store, which sells cheap organic produce out of cardboard boxes.

I actually did laundry yesterday.  Today, I hope to take a shower and -- gasp -- wash my hair!

 

I realize only a minority of you will find that truly inspiring, but the rest can have a good laugh... and then think for a minute :-)

For me, life with CRPS is indeed a matter of tiny triumphs and great goals. For the record, I'm still bound and determined to advance the search for a cure, and yes, I've gotten slightly more concrete in my ideas about that... More to come in time.

And now, just for the deliciously hokey yodeling at the end...

Links list:
Here is a recap and explication of the links used in this post:

• Frustration at the wall
• The Buddhist World: Gautama Buddha (external site)
• On desensitization, I linked to my post on Remembering and re-membering.
  Also see:
     The sheer activity of Espom salt
     Pushing back on neuroplasticity
• Where you can buy Lee Holden's excellent beginner routine, which gets more interesting, more useful and more inwardly complex the more I do it: Qi Gong Flow (external  site; his work highly recommended)
• An excellent blog post on the relationship between tiny triumphs and great goals: New year, new thinking from Elle and the Auto Gnome (external site, very highly recommended)

Frustration at the wall

I've had my nose shoved up against a wall for two and a half weeks now. It's very frustrating but it's the nature of this disease that, at times, I'm going to get stopped in my tracks, and I may not always understand why.

I have had less energy than I do now, but I have never had less motivation. Me? Unable to start something? This is so out of character that it's a bit like seeing Mother Teresa bite a kitten -- unfathomable.

Speaking of eating, I've been craving sugar so intensely I have truly felt like I'd lose my mind if I didn't eat sweets. I haven't had serious sugar cravings for almost a decade. That was one problem I never ever thought I'd be dealing with again. That's finally lightening up, thank goodness -- and thanks to some mental judo and nutritional first-aid. I can't take on any more weight or the pain in my feet will become unbearable, and my hips are already giving me hell.

I have great blog ideas, but getting them into words isn't happening. No... words... come... together. This is so strange I don't even need to elaborate. This is the first thing I've been able to write in weeks and it's not a blog, it's a tirade. Excuse me while I scream.

My muscles across my shoulders and upper back are so tightly knotted I can't do my exercises or qi gong or even more than a stroke or two of tai chi without that weird warping sensation when the muscles pull my moves awry -- and then the nerves pull back and howl. Some activity would be better than none, but low as that bar is, I just can't make it over.

I got a break from my muscles last night when I loaded up on Flexeril (if you follow this blog, you know it's almost unheard-of for me to hit the CNS-affecting meds) but the lethargy, brain fog and stupidity this caused, for 18 hours afterwards, is hideously limiting in itself.

After trying to do my most basic stretches just now, I took another dose. I will NOT let this twisty locked-up posture become the new normal.

And somehow, nevertheless, I will function tomorrow enough to get my pills and get my gear and get my food for the day and get my sorry ass over to OT and PT and hope something can break through this maddeningly comprehensive barricade.

Needless to say, this is not my usual pleasant, mindful, lemons-into-lemonade sort of post.

This is me grabbing the damn lemons and throwing them right back, hoping to hear a few screams as they connect. 

In the fullness of time, I expect I'll be able to  find a trigger, or a clue, as to what exactly started this and how to avoid it in future.  I can't see it from here, and maybe this is the start of what I dread most: The Slide, the final descent into irresistible helplessness and incompetence.

But I think not. I'm too damn angry to give it that much room.

Let's see what happens next. My money's on the chunky blonde with the harsh mouth and crappy attitude. 

... And the new kitten...

Metabolic moon dance

My digestion is not happy.

Between the stress of househunting (and the way that forces us into other families' dreadful dramas), some really egregious motels, and too many things hanging fire for too long…

Plus taking that spirochete-assassinating, gut-grating antibiotic doxycycline for three weeks (19 days, actually; those last four pills, I almost vomited just looking at them)…

With a bit too much pain and dysautonomia for a little too long…

Amidst, of course, the infinitely complex metabolic moon dance of CRPS…

In consensus reality,
this is a shot of my old marina's night lights...
but it's a great visual metaphor for the body events of CRPS. Fling!
Image c.2008

... Well, things have been better.

They could be a great deal worse, but really, they could be rather better.

I haven't been able to keep up my kale shakes, because the indigestion is too energy-sappingly unpleasant. My sweetie made a remark the other day that gave me a clue I want to pursue: don't mix fruits and vegetables.

I used to know that.

I'm going to try berries with kefir and nut butter as the morning shake, and kale with avocado, cabbage and broth in the evening. (And, for the record, I've reconfirmed that organic berries are a lot less nauseating in this hotwired system.)

This assumes, of course, that I can get all the ingredients… Handle the blender… Have a place to plug it in… And somewhere to rinse it out afterwards… In the midst of homeless upheaval and chaos... Twice a day.

Editorial comment is useless. There are times when my natural wryness is wholly inadequate to real life.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Dietary limitations? Where? I'm too busy feasting, thank you

Dietary limitations are a recurring theme in my life -- and that of many who read this.  There's little self-pity left in me for it, because my world of food has opened up in magnificent new ways. I hardly miss wheat, for instance, because I have so many other wonderful things to wrap my teeth around.

This attitude is essential to a bearable life.  Admittedly, it's an adjustment to learn not to think in terms of "not"... Wait, let me rephrase that...

Since it's hard to get started with food changes, and my energy and attention are limited, it helps to have people show me alternatives.The past decade or so has been filled with people who do things -- like eating -- differently from how I did, and that has been a huge help. I've mentioned the Brain Food shakes (once or twice) but the blender is only one of the arrows I have in my dietary quiver.

I've also had the advantage of living in "foodie" areas where it's not that hard to find alternative sources of nutrition:

- heritage and heirloom strains of vegetables abound (a good way to reduce exposure to problematic proteins is to eat unmodified strains),

- gluten-free mixes of several different brands let me figure out what works for me (I do best with sorghum/tapioca based blends), and

- it's easy to find foreign foods like quinoa (a quick-cooking grain which is extremely high in protein and tastes fantastic with a little butter) and English cucumbers (which are more digestible than the US kind).

It also helps to experiment with different forms of cookery. For instance, I loved discovering sprouting, because it creates lots of food from very little outlay, it's mechanically easy, and it takes only a few seconds of effort at a time -- perfect for CRPS-induced ADD!

There's a lot of, well, let's call it culture, around sprouting. Don't be fooled by the complex gear and the long lists of instructions. Those complications are for those who find it satisfying to work out the details.

That's fine. It's also optional.

Sprouting

It's really very simple. There are only 3 things you need to have and 3 things you need to do.

Have

1. Clean jar,
2. organic (or close) sproutees,
3. safe water.

That's all you need. A mesh top for the jar is handy, but you can make one with cotton gauze and a canning band, or by drilling the original lid. Toss the used gauze in the washer and reuse, or just toss it and cut off more.

Do

1. Water them.
  a. Soak sproutees overnight, covered +2" with water, in the fridge. Pour out water in the morning.
  b. Then rinse 2-3 times a day, more if it starts smelling anything other than fresh and bright. Just stagger to sink, pour water in over gauze/mesh, give it a gentle slosh around, and pour it out. Repeat.
  c. Park aslant, head down, in a clean drainer or in a lip of the sink. Drains excess moisture.
No fussing.

2. Grow them until the tails are at least 1/4" or 60mm long, for best nutrition; up to 2", if you like greenery. Takes 1-3 days to get to 1/4".

3. Eat them fresh; keep a couple jars going so you always have something coming up. It's very encouraging. As soon as I empty a jar, I set it back up.

Whatever I sprout, I buy it fresh enough to have its proper color and scent, and that yields 80% or more of sprouted germs. Less yield with older product.

I've discovered that tiny red lentils sprout quickly and have a subtle sweetness that's wonderfully satisfying and goes with soup, salad, on sandwiches, in rollups, and (usually) straight out of the jar.

Sprout amaranth to just over 1/4", add half and half or cream, sweeten with a touch of brown sugar ... it's halfway between Cream of Wheat and Malt-O-Meal. I was stunned. Had to try it a couple more times just to be sure.

If you're inspired, please let me know if you discover any real gems, like amaranth cream of wheat :-)

Moderation, part 2 (with footnotes)

Last week’s experimental overdose was not without consequences. There were a couple of days of the most astounding vacuousness, combined with a lethargy and inertia so profound that I find it hard even to remember... Also, record-setting levels of forgetfulness.

So that was the "overdoing on bad stuff" side of the question.

Because I don’t know when to quit, apparently, I did another experiment yesterday: allowed myself to run out of greens, and had a whole day without my Brain Food shakes. That was the "neglecting the good stuff" part, because of course //wide eyes// one must have both the yin and the yang.

Here’s how that went:

I was scheduled for a massage at one, but my massage therapist had (for once) forgotten to change it in his schedule, so he thought it was at noon. As I was leaving the house, I walked through a cell signal (few and far between here) and got the happy blurt that tells me I have a message. It was Ed, my massage therapist, calling to see if I was all right because it was 30 minutes into my session and I wasn't there. (It’s not like me to be late.)

Here’s the fun part: I stood there, phone in hand, mentally cursing because now I had to go back in the house and look up his number.

While holding the cellphone he’d called me on.

I went back inside to where I keep my cell phone plugged in, looked at the empty space, realized my mistake, cursed inwardly, went back outside to make the call. Before I started dialing, I realized my vision was too bad to drive without my glasses. (It varies with my brain state.) Slightly panicked, I went back inside for my glasses. I didn't want to forget and drive off without them, which I feared I might be capable of.

By the time I got there, I’d forgotten why I had gone inside, and was very annoyed with myself for wasting time. I stood there, staring into the blurry living room which I could not see across accurately, wondering what the hell I had come inside for and why it was important enough to keep me from driving off.

I went back outside, and was almost at the car...

when I realized, again, that I couldn’t possibly drive like that. Muttering, “Glasses, glasses, glasses,” so I wouldn’t forget again (which I was fully capable of), I went back inside and retrieved them.

I came back out, found my way to the phone zone, and made a slightly hysterical call to my massage therapist. I was now 15 min. late by my time, and an hour and a quarter by his. Bless his golden heart, he calmed me right down, and my day was considerably better soon after.

I’m preparing for a cross-country meander, meant to be conducted within my limits of capacity – mental, physical, and financial – which may be yet another fantasy, but at least it will be an interesting one.

I’ve taught myself 2 important lessons this week, though, and it’s good to be absolutely clear about them before I have so much else to think about:

1. Sugar in strictest moderation. It used to be a matter of avoiding pain, but this was a neurologic meltdown of a depth and duration best avoided in future.

2. Eat my damn Brain Food shake. I didn’t spend all these years figuring it out, just to dis my own discovery. Figuring out how to get them on the road just became the most important job of my life!

Is it just me? I sometimes wonder how many of us, who turn to sweets for comfort and let our distaste for kale exceed our longing to function (as I certainly did until very recently), could be doing so much better.

My pain levels rest very low, as long as I eat right and drink enough water. And my mental function -- as, wow, I have reeeeeally demonstrated this week -- is hugely affected by what I do, and don't, get into my system.

• If I still ate wheat, I'd be so thoroughly impaired I'd be in need of daily care to make sure I showered and ate and -- literally -- didn't wander into traffic. 
• If I still ate corn regularly, I'd be so sore, cranky and ill-behaved that it would be impossible to find an aide to help me. 
• If I still ate rice I'd regularly be in so much pain I couldn't think of anything else.
• If I still ate grains in any amount (even of good quality, as I used to), I'd be nearly immobilized by the extra weight I'd be carrying, making that care even more necessary but even harder to get. 
• If I ate sweets for comfort, I'd never really find it. But I'd keep trying, probably by eating more sweets! With insulin resistance, it's a vicious cycle of longing with temporary and partial satisfaction overlaying a bottomless need.

How many undiagnosed food sensitivities and metabolic dysregulations are deepening the levels of Hell in which CRPSers live? Especially given that it's a disease of the central nervous system, which most certainly does include the gut? It really makes me wonder.

The largest concentration of nerves outside the brain is in the gut, and there's a breathtaking new field of science about that, called gastroneurology or neurogasteroenterology (it's only been around for 20 years, so the name is not yet fixed).

Metabolically, I'm just not that weird,  that so many core, neuro-immunologic issues that show up in me could be all that unusual. It makes me wonder if my brain is really all that broken, or if it's just signalling really hard...

I know how desperately hard it is to change the way you eat, because it means changing the way you have to respond to your most primitive longings at your most vulnerable and achingly needy times. (I have an extremely high tolerance for uncertainty and an extremely low one for needless stupidity, especially in myself, and that has been a great help in working this out.)

It helps to have a structure worked out and some sort of support: hence the success of Weight Watchers and clinician-approved eating patterns like the Stone Age diet or the South Beach Diet.

These dramatically different strategies coexist because ... drumroll please ... we aren't all the same! Some will work on some, others will work for others.

Personally, I'm intrigued by the immunological component of digestion and assimilation (another key characteristic of gastroneurology), best addressed by the Blood Type bouquet of diets. The Type O eating pattern (with added wheat) was what I did naturally when I was fit and well, and guess what, I'm type O.

mmmmm, lunch!

But things have gotten weirder since then...

Now that I’ve finished my tea, it’s time for breakfast. Guess what that’ll be? :)

Links:

• Last week's divine excess: Moderation... in moderation 
• Ed Connor at The Healing Zone: The Healing Zone Therapeutic Massage
• My Brain Food shakes, Recipe: Kale Shake & the Sunshine Band
  
• The defining book of gastroneurology, The Second Brain, by Michael Gershon, MD
• Slate magazine article from 2007, Should You Trust a Gut Feeling
• NY Times article from 2011, The Other Brain Also Deals With Many Woes
• Fascinating but deeply geeky paper explaining this field, Fundamentals of Neurogastroenterology: Basic Science
• Weight Watchers official site: http://www.weightwatchers.com/
• Dr. Voegtlin's original book on the Stone Age, or Paleolithic, Diet: The stone age diet: Based on in-depth studies of human ecology and the diet of man ...plus a more recent reference: Wikipedia on the Paleolithic diet
• Dr. Agatston's South Beach Diet book: South Beach Diet: The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss
• Dr. D'Adamo's page for Blood Type diets: Eat Right for Your Type

Moderation... in moderation

I'm usually vigilant about what goes into me because it makes such a difference in what I can put out.

Today, I went up to Heath Fair, the kind of country fair that has pulling contests for everything from bullocks to tractors, first through third prizes for identical piles of potatoes, rare critters no factory farm would make room for (like this 4-horned goat),

... and also henna tattoos, a massage booth, Chinese food options, and extraordinary handicrafts with century-old handtools being used by gnarly-handed, smiling neighbors.

I started the day with a good solid Brain-Food shake, but once we hit the Fair, that was it.

French fries made from fresh local potatoes, fudge made from fresh local milk, coffee with maple syrup from fresh local farmers.

Then we got home and had ice cream and cheese.

I haven't touched a single bit of produce (that didn't have a ribbon on it) since breakfast.

I'm doing okay. Daffy, but okay. A little sore through the elbows, but okay. Not able to soak up any science, but okay. Very glad I didn't have to drive home, but that's okay, too.

We stopped on the way home to catch the closing of the Pow-Wow on the Mohawk Trail, a lovely arty cozy time with friends and their friends. And that was more than okay.



Whipped cream on top: learning that moose have moved down to this area...

As long as I do this wild irrational feasting on weird stuff about once or twice a year (no more), I should be ... okay.

For one thing, it's good to keep your body guessing. (That's why dieters need to have one good belly-filling meal every 2-3 days, so the body doesn't go into famine mode.)

For another, I suspect it does me good to remind myself why I don't eat this stuff normally. Even though my body is handling it like a champion, that's because my usual diligence has created a certain amount of metabolic slack; I can absorb a bit of crap without disaster.

Still no wheat, though. I'm adventurous, but not self-destructive. My lovely hostess, Laurie, indulged me by getting some of the homemade wild blueberry pie and assuring me it was every bit as good as it should be.

While tomorrow brings another day of quantities of greens that could make even Dr. Terry Wahls raise an eyebrow, I'm kind of digging the memory of one day with so much creamy, mouth-melting sweetness. I'm smart enough (finally) to know what'll happen if I keep it up any longer, but I'm old enough to really, truly enjoy my memories just as they are -- without regret, without longing, just with simple pleasure. This is a nice one.

Mmmm...

And tomorrow's shake will be just as good as ever. Possibly even better.

Recipe: Kale Shake & the Sunshine Band

Being able to manage means having enough brain and energy to work with. In recovery from a major setback, that means getting down enough kale and berries to choke a couple of horses.

The most manageable way for me to get them in is via my handy little one-person blender. It keeps them raw (maximum nutritional value) and prechews the kale, which can really be troublesome after the 3,000th bite.

Here's my basic recipe. Options and rationales are below.

- handful of berries (I prefer blueberries and cane berries), or 1/3-1/2 a half-pint container.
- about 1/2 cup water (helps soften berries)
- 3-4 medium to large stalks of the fluffy kind of kale, called "lacinato kale." 7 or 8 stalks of the smooth variety. Chop in strips ~1" wide, depending on blender strength.
- about 1/2-3/4 cup apple juice or cider.
- 1/8-1/4 teaspoon cinnamon.

- Options:
   = Dessertspoon of nut butter or a slosh of yogurt, for protein and a bit of oil/fat to help me absorb all the nutrients.
   = Pinch of stevia powder: adds sweetness, further aids with blood sugar stabilization.

Kale: given the quantities I eat this in, it has to be organic or I'm in strife.

Berries: I use either fresh or frozen, whatever is available and affordable. Always organic or close to it, because industrial growers use lots of pesticides on most berries and they're hormone-based (estrogenic) - I used to live near strawberry country and the spraying was really obnoxious. I tried using berries grown by industrial methods, to save money, but it put me on a horrible hormonal roller-coaster... 2 solid weeks of PMS? Not so good.

Cider/apple juice: provides malic acid, which helps clear garbage out of the cells. Also helps cut the bitterness and predigests the burpy stuff out of the kale. Use a splash of raw cider vinegar if you have to use another juice.

Cinnamon: It cuts the bitterness the rest of the way, and helps stabilize blood sugar. There's a lot of sugar in this, for me. You wind up not tasting it, but the shake goes down better.

Options: I often add the nut butter. The resulting texture is creamier. The yogurt, even a little bit, makes the shake more filling, so it's good for making it feel like a meal.

I recommend adding a bit of oil/fat, because it's so important to squeeze all the nutrition I can out of each bite (especially when nausea makes eating unpleasant) and oil or fat helps with the absorption of key nutrients in this shake.

I also find that pain is less and thinking is better if I get adequate fat in my diet, meaning, a moderate amount more than I need to absorb this nutrition; one day I'll remember why.  It rings a bell from my nursing school classes. Might relate to the demyelination issue in chronic CRPS.

If I don't add a bit of something oily to the shake, I have a slice of aged cheese or meat, which provides brain-friendly fat and also gives my body neurotransmitter precursors -- adding more oomph to the brain-value of what I'm eating.

It's an uphill slog but I'm determined to get better again. These shakes really help. Trouble is, there's only so much room in an individual tummy, and I do need to stay under a bearable weight and eat other things to stay in balance.

Sigh... It'll work out. It's hard to be patient enough, but healing in the face of profound illness does take time. If there's one thing I'm learning, it's patience.

Time for another shake...

Just enough

The feds owe me backpay. It should come to quite a chunk of money. Naturally, some of my friends are spending it for me according to their own wishes and tastes. Bless their hearts.

It's not here yet, and I have to manage with what I have. I'm grateful for my monthly disability income. It would be nice to have more, but it's enough for me to live on. Just enough. My  income is more than many have, and I have really simple tastes... but most people can live a whole lot cheaper than I can, because my "basics" are different.

I want to ask my blithe friends to point to something in their cupboards -- something to eat. Anything.

• Pasta? For me, that's 3 days of poor vision, no memory, no thought, of being so disoriented I'm unable to drive, let alone get to the end of a sentence. Corn and rice aren't quite as bad, but they still cost my body too much.
• Beans? Depends on the bean, but it usually means sluggish bowels, insulin resistance, worse nerve pain (because the endocrine misbehavior triggers inflammatory responses), and disproportionate weight gain. Every extra pound I weigh is a tax on my feet and legs, where the pain and swelling are already about all I can cope with. 
• Cannned goods?  Neurotoxic preservatives that set my thoughts rattling, interfere with sleep, make me feel like someone took a baseball bat to my head. 
• Soda? Oh boy, let's talk about soda. The phosphoric acid alone will send my peripheral and central nervous systems into spasms, and the caffeine throws my fight-or-flight response a curve-ball. Don't even get me started on the corn syrup. Corn fractions are bad, but high fructose corn syrup is a straight descent into neurogenic Hell.

I have to put expensive berries and piles of organic greens in my cart.

• If I don't eat them several times absolutely every day, my brain starts to shut down. 
• If I eat too much of the herbicides and pesticides used in conventional produce, it's a quick descent into autonomic Hell, with weeks of constant PMS, radiant gin blossoms, and blood pressure that won't settle down. 
• I choose the high-end cheddar over the store brand. Want to know what they use to keep the store brand "fresh"? I need to let my bowels continue working, thank you... But aged cheeses provide precursors for the neurotransmitters used in memory and decision-making; when I'm having trouble thinking, sometimes all I need is a bit of good cheese and a couple of hours to absorb it.

I spend hundreds of dollars each month on supplements, herbs and homeopathic preparations, carefully tuned at every purchase to make sure I'm getting the best possible effect for my money. Collectively, they let

• my mitochondria cope, 
• my nerves fire, 
• my brain work, 
• my body repair itself -- reasonably successfully, most of the time. 

I constantly double-check and experiment to make sure I'm not wasting my money, that every one of them makes a real difference. They are not optional, and there is no slack in the system.

I can't live like a normal person. If I try, I'm dead. It's not drama, it's just a fact.

I don't choose to live like this because I can afford it. I live this way, and do without other things. I think of those who live in houses or flats with multiple rooms, petting the companion animals they can afford to feed, with their feet on a coffee table or rug, drinking out of their own mugs. And the poor things don't realize how good they've got it, but eye my windfall askance and look for something more to be dissatisfied with. It's human nature. I've done the same, back when I could afford to.

Everything I own right now fits into a messenger bag and a carryon; that's it. There are three boxes and a dive bag stored with a friend somewhere. I know I'll see the friend again (to the extent one can be sure of anything), but heaven only knows whether I'll see the stuff, because stuff tends to leave me by freaks of chance. In the end, if it's not important enough to keep with me, how badly do I really need it?

I've learned to be relaxed about possessions. Having the US Postal Service lose thousands of dollars of art, books and paraphernalia at a formative moment in life, can have that effect. All I need is enough to wear, plus the laptop and e-reader. Other things (pots, knives, movies) are useful, but I find them hard to hold onto; they keep slipping away, one way or another.

I know exactly what I'm going to do with that backpay. Every penny will be used. Not spent, not frittered, not idly indulged with. Nothing will be wasted. It should be just enough.

There is still no excess or slack in the system. But as long as there is just enough, I can make it work.

Dr. Oz and Paula Abdul on RSD/CRPS-1

Paula Abdul has an unusual subtype of this unusual disease, and in her case, ice is excellent instead of deadly. Having labeled that huge caveat, here is some excellent, informative, very useful stuff to take away:

She and Dr. Oz do a very good job of simply, honestly and clearly conveying the basic physical reality of RSD/CRPS-1. I found her presentation refreshingly honest, very sweet, and completely good.

Note her discussing how food and nutrition (especially drastic amounts of produce) is responsible for a "360-degree change" in her condition. She has found doctors that helped her figure that out; what I want is for those doctors to train all their cohorts!

The (usually passive; occasionally active) resistance of the mass of doctors to nutrition is appalling, but at this point it is the most valuable single strategy that's available to the most people. The fact that it isn't available to everyone is a horror which I look forward to seeing the end of: poverty and food insecurity are not good for anyone, and being disabled puts most of us into poverty... so we can't get the kind of food we really need to manage this disabling condition!

My old commercial-grade blender took a dive off the boat. It's probably making sushi in the middle of the Pacific Ocean by now.  I can't wait to get another one and get back to making green shakes. The healthy oils and tons of produce are the best "brain-food" I've ever found. They keep the pain down to a manageable level and help me continue to be able to do things like, oh I don't know, write more blog posts.