CRPS, or Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (Type 1), is a change in the nervous system that's usually triggered by a very painful episode. The bad kinds affect the brain, nerves, muscles, skin, metabolism, circulation, and fight-or-flight response. Lucky me; that's what I've got. ... But life is still inherently good (or I don't know when to quit; either way) and, good or not, life still goes on.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Recipe: Even Brain Food Shakes evolve

As my digestion has gotten more frail, I've had more and more trouble with my Brain Food shake.
 
I went to a powder, because organic kale was hard to find and unwieldy,  and the nonorganic kind smells like a chemist's armpit. And was still unwieldy.
 
But those shakes still hit my stomach like a cannonball.
 
J listened to me complain for the second day in a row and said, "Don't eat fruits and vegetables together. Of course it's impossible to digest."
 
I stared at him a moment. "I used to know that," I said with chagrin.
 
That was over a month ago and I think I've finally figured out how to make the greens taste like something other than pond.
 
So here are the current incarnations of my Brain Food Shakes, the simplest way to get maximum nutrition with minimal effort:
 
Morning Shake:
 
- 1/4 pound Trader Joe's frozen Wild Boreal Blueberries (high anthocyanins, low toxins)
- heaping soupspoon almond butter (good oil, protein, minerals) (TJ's is cheapest)
- Cal-mag supplement (for nerve transmission, teeth and bones; 1 tablespn Lifetime brand, blueberry flavor)
- 1/8 tsp clove powder (massive antioxidants, calms nerve pain, and I love clove)
- ~3 oz apple juice concentrate (malic acid helps clear cellular detritus)
- stevia (stabilizes blood sugar, cuts any lingering bitterness)
 
Whizz it until the flakes of blueberry skin are more or less uniform and quite small.
 
I've recently added:
 
- fat pinch of schizandra berries (massive antioxidants, seems to stabilize neurotransmitter behavior; whole berries take extra time in the blender)
- lecithin (improves digestibility and oil uptake)
 
Once everything's whizzed down smooth, I add at the last minute:
 
- 1/2-3/4 cup blueberry kefir (I really like Lifeway brand, blueberry or plain)
 
The point of blenderizing is to chop open those cells so the nutrition is easy to get to, but with kefir or yogurt, the cells only work if they're intact. So I whizz in kefir just until blended, maybe 2 seconds.
 
I mix in blackberries and fresh local berries when I can. On the road, I use dried currants, which are an overlooked "antioxidant powerhouse", in modern marketing lingo. They can make the sweetness overwhelming, though.
 
This afternoon (fruit is more appropriate in the morning, veg in the afternoon) I tried something like this:
 
Afternoon Shake:
 
- Vegetable juice (TJ's Garden Patch, but I'm open to suggestions)
- Scoop of green powder (I get distinct results from Garden of Life brand Perfect Food Raw; brain really perks up)
- 1/4-1/2 an avocado (cleans up blood vessels, great oil)
- 2 handfuls chopped kale (most nutritious veg per calorie; thanks to TJ's for taking the work out of prepping organic kale)
- 1 handful sliced cabbage (sulfur for brain, glutathione precursor; also, does something magical to the kale so it tastes smooth and mild)
- salt (reduces ANS/POTS symptoms of dizziness and wonky bp)
- lecithin
- 1-2 individual grains of Epsom salt, a.k.a. magnesium sulfate (sulfur for the brain, magnesium for nerve transmission and electrolyte balance)
- water enough to make it go
 
Has a wonderfully fresh, pleasingly grownup flavor. A bit of cilantro, onion and lemon, and you could call it gazpacho.
 
I'm considering a pinch of curry powder, for the antiinflammatory circumin and that wonderful taste. It doesn't need it, but it could add a bit of variety. 
 
I've often said that it HAS to taste good, or I won't be able to keep doing it. And, since I test regularly (that is, try to do without), I know I have to keep doing it.
 
And as long as it tastes this good, I'm happy to do so.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Your normal is my catatonic

On top of my careful eating and constant self-policing... I've cut my online time to the bone, to conserve neurotransmitters and wear and tear on my telomeres.
 
I'm moving to a sunnier flat, to improve vitamin D uptake and exposure to beneficial UV bands.
 
I've gotten a cat, to lower my bp and help stabilize my diurnal cycle. (They get stirred up and worried when you stay up past your bedtime. It's the cutest form of nagging ever.)
 
I'm doing my autogenic exercises as often as I can bear to, to bring my baseline level of overdrive down and begin to approach "normal".
 
For better or worse, I'm getting more closely in touch with what a "normal" state of relaxation really feels like -- and realizing how far from "normal" it is for me.
 
If I am as close to "normally" relaxed (or "normally" tense -- its the same thing) as I can get, I'm nonfunctional.
 
All I can do is lie there, bathed in the peaceful antitoxins of adequate tissue perfusion and a still mind. Getting up requires dropping that calm, because there just isn't enough energy there.
 
I'm far, far too tired to function as a normal person. My very cells are tired -- I can feel it when I let down this chemical structure of overdrive and tension. Their very organelles are tired. The vacuoles, I bet, are tired.
 
Why? I mean, weariness is all very well,  but isn't this a little ridiculous?
 
Ridiculous it may be, but not irrational or inappropriate. Here's why, as far as I've thought it through.
 
- For one thing, pain is exhausting. An hour of pain is as wearying as an hour of running, but without the cardiovascular benefit or endorphins. Quite the opposite. And it never really stops.
 
- Moving the body with degraded muscles is hard work.
 
- Making decisions and doing the business of life (rent, bills, laundry, shopping) with a brain that flickers on and off... requires a lot of repeated trips and extra effort -- also tiring.
 
- Remember that list of JCAHO-rated crises I mentioned on my last post? That was a sample from the latest in a series of years, each of which was about as harrowingly difficult, in different ways. Truly, I had no idea that so many ghastly things, most far too protracted for Hollywood to use in even their most grueling work, could grind through one measly life.
 
So maybe I should give my weariness some credit. Maybe I should stop bitching about how I just can't get things done. Now that I'm trying to ratchet my ANS responses down from the stratosphere, maybe I shouldn't wonder that it's becoming hellishly difficult to get off the couch most of the time.
Maybe I should stop obsessing on my characteristic need to be productive.
 
Maybe it's finally time to stop ignoring the fact that I'm really damn TIRED, and put my attention on getting more rest.
 
That might be the most productive thing I could do.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Changing the glass, resetting limits

I have to resurrect a set of rules I thought I'd gotten past:
 
- No internet before noon.
- No more than 2 hours daily for all internet activity: email, FaceBook, Twitter, research, posting and illustrating blogs.
- This includes surfing on the phone.
 
I will be moving upstairs to a brighter apartment that's arranged better for two. J still plans to move in come September, so I'm grabbing the opportunity while it's there.
 
For the past several months I've been learning to notice and deal constructively with signals from body and brain. Part of the reality of this is, there's a ton of backlog to sort out.
 
This is significant, partly due to CRPS and partly to the nature of last year, which was an ongoing festival of upheaval:
 
- Got SSDI.
- Had to save life of same friend twice in three months.
- Sold my boat/home.
- Moved 3 times.
- Travelled for 6 months at a stretch.
- Started an important romantic relationship.
- Had 2 serious threats hanging over my own life.
 
It's not good for the ANS, all this excitement.  I'm not personally opposed to eventfulness, it's just really hard on my regulatory systems. Given similar situations, I'd probably have to do similar things, but it's time to chill the h#11 out now.
 
I'm moving and it makes my lizard brain howl -- if lizards can howl.
 
I'm moving upstairs,  not far at all. And it'll be safer -- you can't even find it from the road. It'll be brighter and quieter. The paint scheme is far more cheery and pleasant.
 
But I'm moving, and at some level, that's an absolute... That is, an absolute brain-fogging mess of suppressed fight-or-flight response and irrational despair. It's seriously altering how well and how long I can think... changing the water level in my current glass, so to speak.
 
Packing my few things is not a physically imposing task,  but moving at all is a brain-crippling one, apparently.
 
I still have to maintain my care schedule, keep appointments and stay caught up (-ish) on laundry and groceries, none of which is optional.
 
When my adrenals are under stress, my brain gets quickly exhausted, especially in the morning. According to my old acupuncturist, that's a classic diagnostic indicator. Cognition is linked to adrenal function, he says.
 
The thing to do is go with it, and not make decisions or try to parse communications until the whole system has had a chance to wake up and get moving. Thoroughly.
 
So, out of respect for my brain's needs, I'll be spending my mornings playing with the kitten and catching up on my bookshelves, instead of being online.
 
Oh gee, isn't that tough :-)
 
And when I've moved in and gotten the new place under control, with no intention of moving again until I've got a "forever home" to go to, I'll find out just how resilient this brain really is and see what parameters make sense then.
 
Until then, the online world will go on with, at most, 2 hours a day of attention from me -- for research, social networking, web page managing,  and posting & illustrating blogs.
 
We'll manage just fine.